Consistency in Times of Disruption (Part 5 of 7): Anchors

This post is part 5 of 7 in a series for parents on dealing with times of inconsistency, change, and disruption – such as we’re experiencing with the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States and around the world. Each post contains a strategy or concept that families may find useful as they navigate these strange times.

By now, you’ve probably seen many articles and tips from teachers, educators, and other child experts with suggestions for times like these. Most probably encourage parents to implement schedules with specific times of day for activities, to keep things moving and generate a sense of normalcy during the chaos. While the advice is prudent and following it would be tremendously helpful, the fact is most families are too overwhelmed to know where to start with such a task.

The strategies contained herein are intended to be much smaller and hopefully can be implemented relatively easily – even under stress. The objective is to reduce anxiety, stress, and exhaustion, for we all know there is enough of that going around!

#Anchors
It is tremendously helpful to have rituals or activities that you do at around the same time every day or every week, no matter what else is happening. This helps to reduce anxiety because the children will know that something familiar is up ahead. I like to refer to these as anchors.

In my classroom, there were certain anchors in our day, times I referred to as sacred. One was Story Time. Our class always made time to read part of our story, no matter what else was going on that day – assemblies, fire drills, half-days, or the day before vacation. During Story Time, they were allowed to sit on the floor, in the cozy corner. They could read along with me or they could draw a picture of what was going on in the story.

We always had a spelling test on Fridays – no matter what. Occasionally a student would ask, “Mr. Beddow, are we having a spelling test today?” My response was, “Is it Friday?” They replied, “Yes.” “Then are we having a spelling test today?” They knew the answer. Although students may not always enjoy spelling tests, they appreciated knowing that there was some stability even if nothing else was predictable for them.

Keep in mind anchors do not need to be time-consuming. They merely represent moments in the day or week that are unchanging. Here are some simple ideas for anchors:

• Teach your children a quick rhyme to say before eating breakfast every day. It can be a prayer, an affirmation about making good choices throughout the day, or just a funny saying. There are many books of children’s prayers, and you can just select one and read it – the same prayer – every day.
• Choose a certain book that you will read aloud, for 5 minutes, every day, at a certain time. Set an alarm that makes a sound, and when the sound plays, make an announcement, “It’s 12:35! Time to read the book of the week!”
• Find a song, or a set of songs, you and your family enjoy. Before breakfast on Saturday morning, gather everyone together and listen to a song. You can play the song on a speaker and sing along if you like, sing the song without music, or just listen to the together. Maybe the children can dance along to the music.
• Skittle (or Raisin) Time. At 1:23 every day, announce “It’s Skittle Time. Everyone in the house gets a single Skittle, they choose the color (or one raisin, if you like.) If anyone asks, “Why do we do Skittle Time every day?” you can respond simply, “Because it’s Skittle Time!”

Nap (or Rest) time. Everyone needs a break or a rest from time to time (especially you!) Depending on the age of your children, they do not need to sleep during Nap, but they must rest. During nap time, children should be in their own spot, by themselves, and should remain quiet for the duration. You may make nap as short or as long as you need to – but the main point is – if you decide to do it – make sure it happens every day.

Anchors are like bookends, but they instead of happening at the start or end of each day, they can be placed anywhere – just not randomly. Our goal is for children to learn to predict parts of their day, which reduces anxiety and increases trust. The happiest children, after all, are those who are free from anxiety and who trust that even in times of change, everything will be okay.

Non-condemnation clause:
Children are resilient. If anything you’ve just read has left you feeling guilty or thinking that you haven’t done everything you should, celebrate the realization that there are areas where you have fallen short of perfection. Then, move forward with a new commitment to work on this area of your parenting or teaching. Your kids will benefit more if you hurry up and quit kicking yourself. When and if you fail yet again in this or another area, try to remember that children are resilient beyond our imagination. Somehow, children are able to survive through our insolence, stubbornness, laziness, and/or [insert negative self-attribution here.] Now cheer up and try to keep these ideas in mind as you begin a new day. You’ll do fine.