Consistency in Times of Disruption (Part 2 of 7): Attitude and Speech
This post is part of 2 of 7 in a series for parents on dealing with times of inconsistency, change, and disruption – such as we’re experiencing with the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States and around the world. Each post contains a strategy or concept that families may find useful as they navigate these strange times.
By now, you’ve probably seen many articles and tips from teachers, educators, and other child experts with suggestions for times like these. Most probably encourage parents to implement schedules with specific times of day for activities, to keep things moving and generate a sense of normalcy during the chaos. While the advice is prudent and following it would be tremendously helpful, the fact is most families are too overwhelmed to know where to start with such a task.
The strategies contained herein are intended to be much smaller and hopefully can be implemented relatively easily – even under stress. The objective is to reduce anxiety, stress, and exhaustion, for we all know there is enough of that going around!
#Attitude and Speech
There is a verse in the biblical book of Phillippians where Paul instructs his readers to “Be anxious for nothing.” He goes on to instruct them simply to tell God what they need, and he promises that the peace of God will guard their hearts as a result. Our children look to us in the same way a Christian person might look to their God – for comfort, for reassurance, for a gentle word that everything is going to be okay.
The only way our children will learn to be anxious for nothing is if they can look to us and see that we are not anxious. If they can read anxiety in our eyes, or hear it in our speech, they will not believe that everything is going to be okay.
If our conversation is steeped in talk of what is wrong in the world, or how upended our lives are, they will learn that the disorder in our lives is bigger than what is okay. Sadly, we forget sometimes that if we spend the majority of our time pondering problems, we begin to see problems before we see things to be thankful for. Our children’s perspectives on what is good, and what is bad, are shaped in large part by our own perspectives. Let us then deliberately order our attitudes and speech according to how we want our children to feel, and how we hope they will see and understand the world around them.
In another book, Paul encourages his friends to do everything without complaining. In times of change, there is plenty to complain about. If you notice you’re commenting frequently about how difficult things are, begin to pepper your conversation with comments about positive things.
Let us imagine our speech as a battlefield, with anxiety and frustration on one side, and thankfulness and hope on the other. Based on how you act and what you say, which side has the bigger army? Which side is winning? The choice, in the end, is yours.
Non-condemnation clause:
Children are resilient. If anything you’ve just read has left you feeling guilty or thinking that you haven’t done everything you should, celebrate the realization that there are areas where you have fallen short of perfection. Then, move forward with a new commitment to work on this area of your parenting or teaching. Your kids will benefit more if you hurry up and quit kicking yourself. When and if you fail yet again in this or another area, try to remember that children are resilient beyond our imagination. Somehow, children are able to survive through our insolence, stubbornness, laziness, and/or [insert negative self-attribution here.] Now cheer up and try to keep these ideas in mind as you begin a new day. You’ll do fine.