Consistency in Times of Disruption (Part 7 of 7): Transition Warnings
This post is the last of a series for parents on dealing with times of inconsistency, change, and disruption – such as we’re experiencing with the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States and around the world. Each post contains a strategy or concept that families may find useful as they navigate these strange times.
By now, you’ve probably seen many articles and tips from teachers, educators, and other child experts with suggestions for times like these. Most probably encourage parents to implement schedules with specific times of day for activities, to keep things moving and generate a sense of normalcy during the chaos. While the advice is prudent and following it would be tremendously helpful, the fact is most families are too overwhelmed to know where to start with such a task.
The strategies contained herein are intended to be much smaller and hopefully can be implemented relatively easily – even under stress. The objective is to reduce anxiety, stress, and exhaustion, for we all know there is enough of that going around!
Advance transition warnings are simply reminders that something is going to happen, before it happens. Before you get your kids ready to leave the house, before you tell them it’s time to take a nap, before you ask them to clean up their toys, tell them they know what’s coming. Let them have a little time – 2 minutes is enough – to prepare themselves to stop doing what they are doing, and prepare to listen to the sound of your voice as they transition to the next thing. This is a topic of its own, but suffice it to say most adults have a habit of giving children little or no notice before they expect them to up and move from what they’re doing.
When I introduce this strategy to parents, they seem to understand it early on, but when it comes to doing it, they forget more often than they remember. Why? Because adults typically are used to deciding what to do, and when to do it – without needing to check with anyone first. Often, parents tell me they only remembered to use a transition warning when they had already begun the transition to the next thing, and by then it was too late.
I would simply encourage you to remember that it is a kindness to honor your children’s need to know what is coming up. You too would wish to have some advance notice before you were expected to drop everything and change activities or places. Many a temper tantrum has been avoided because children were honored with a transition warning.
Non-condemnation clause:
Children are resilient. If anything you’ve just read has left you feeling guilty or thinking that you haven’t done everything you should, celebrate the realization that there are areas where you have fallen short of perfection. Then, move forward with a new commitment to work on this area of your parenting or teaching. Your kids will benefit more if you hurry up and quit kicking yourself. When and if you fail yet again in this or another area, try to remember that children are resilient beyond our imagination. Somehow, children are able to survive through our insolence, stubbornness, laziness, and/or [insert negative self-attribution here.] Now cheer up and try to keep these ideas in mind as you begin a new day. You’ll do fine.