Consistency in Times of Disruption (Part 6 of 7): Waypoints
This post is part 6 of 7 in a series for parents on dealing with times of inconsistency, change, and disruption – such as we’re experiencing with the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States and around the world. Each post contains a strategy or concept that families may find useful as they navigate these strange times.
By now, you’ve probably seen many articles and tips from teachers, educators, and other child experts with suggestions for times like these. Most probably encourage parents to implement schedules with specific times of day for activities, to keep things moving and generate a sense of normalcy during the chaos. While the advice is prudent and following it would be tremendously helpful, the fact is most families are too overwhelmed to know where to start with such a task.
The strategies contained herein are intended to be much smaller and hopefully can be implemented relatively easily – even under stress. The objective is to reduce anxiety, stress, and exhaustion, for we all know there is enough of that going around!
#Waypoints
For many centuries, the calendars of most world religions have consisted of various days or seasons that mark important remembrances, feasts, or times of fasting. The very term holiday comes from the root holy which can be defined as “set apart.” These are days set apart from the rest for us not only to appreciate while they are upon us, but also to look forward to while we wait for them to arrive.
In fact, the Christian church’s liturgical calendar refers to the time between the major seasons of Advent and Lent as Ordinary Time. Ordinary time is where we live the majority of our lives, but we look forward to the special days and weeks that give us reason to pause and enjoy something special. Now of course, we have added many other “holidays” in addition to the church ones.
In the United States, we have national holidays like Memorial Day and Veterans Day (which occur in May and November), and others like Valentine’s Day, April Fools Day, even Star Wars Day (May the 4th be with you), not to mention the religious holidays that have become more broadly celebrated, like Easter and Christmas. For many of us, these holiday seasons help mark the passage of time and they add some color to the banality of everyday life.
Children need things to look forward to. Before they ever learn how to read a clock, they understand the passage of time by the things that happen each day. Adults are able to look at their watches, agendas, or calendars to see what’s up ahead, but many children cannot. As adults, we can do some simple things to interrupt the natural doldrums of ordinary time.
When my wife’s family would drive from Memphis all the way to Rossville, Georgia to visit her grandparents, she remembers how the long trip was broken up. The first exciting waypoint was Nashville. Then of course the mandatory rest area stop on top of Mont Eagle mountain, and the “cloud makers” a little further on (they were smoke stacks.) Then there was the old railroad trestle (her dad would shout, “There’s the trestle!” and Christie and her brother would crane their necks to see.) The next thing was the big curve in Chattanooga where you could see the river. Finally, there were cheers and squeals when someone spotted the Welcome to Georgia sign at the border.
For the two siblings in the back seat, the 6-hour trip didn’t seem quite so long because there were points of interest along the way. For children as well as for adults, long stretches of sameness without an injection of color or novelty can be wearisome.
When schedules are out the window – on vacations or trips, when family members are sick, during breaks from school – the lack of a plan for the day can make the hours drag. Boredom creeps in, frustration shows up, tempers can flare, and before you know it, the day can feel exhausting for everyone.
Intentionally place a few trivial events to break up the day. These little waypoints can do wonders for moving things along and reducing boredom and interrupting tedium. Watch an old Mister Rogers episode as a family (“yes, I know it’s for kiddies, but he’s Mister Rogers!”) Have a special afternoon snack. On a trip, take the exit and see the World’s Largest Ball of Twine or stop for a cup of World Famous Lemonade that you’ve read about on billboards for the past 200 miles.
In our town, they test the tornado siren on the first Saturday of each month at noon. We head outside as family and listen to it. The dog barks, we imitate the dog or the siren, and after 60 seconds or so, the siren stops and we all go back inside. It’s not much, but it’s something to look forward to. We like it. Can you think of small, insignificant events that happen in your household or classroom that you can lift up and celebrate together?
Non-condemnation clause:
Children are resilient. If anything you’ve just read has left you feeling guilty or thinking that you haven’t done everything you should, celebrate the realization that there are areas where you have fallen short of perfection. Then, move forward with a new commitment to work on this area of your parenting or teaching. Your kids will benefit more if you hurry up and quit kicking yourself. When and if you fail yet again in this or another area, try to remember that children are resilient beyond our imagination. Somehow, children are able to survive through our insolence, stubbornness, laziness, and/or [insert negative self-attribution here.] Now cheer up and try to keep these ideas in mind as you begin a new day. You’ll do fine.