Five Reasons Why Every Child’s Day Should Begin with Sharing Time

For many years, I have used and recommended procedure for starting a child’s day, whether you are a school teacher, Sunday School teacher, or parent. In my experience, implementing this procedure can vastly improve instructional outcomes, specifically by increasing student time spent learning through reducing distractions.

When I was a school teacher, I began every day with an invitation for my students to share. This wasn’t the kind of sharing where they brought a toy or a book from home (although I had that kind of sharing as well, but it was reserved for a 15-minute block on Fridays.) The kind of sharing I invited was to talk about thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and to ask any questions that were on their minds. Typically, I permitted each child to talk for between 30 seconds and a minute. Sometimes, they would tell me what happened after school, apprise me of their upcoming birthdays, tell me about a new video game they had played after school the previous day. Since sharing time immediately followed a brief review of the schedule (okay, so sharing was the second activity of the day) a child occasionally would let me know he was looking forward to a certain part of the day. Regardless of the topic, each child was permitted to share at the very beginning of the day. There are 5 reasons I believe every child’s day should begin with sharing time.

1. Sharing saves time.

Kids are going to share anyway. They come to school having had over 12 hours of experiences since they left the previous afternoon. Or, if you’re a parent, around 6 hours passed between bedtime and breakfast. That’s a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to come up with questions. Rather than spend part of the first academic period redirecting a child to wait to tell me about this-or-that “during your free time,” I gave him or her the opportunity to talk about it before they were expected to engage in another activity. Over the course of a day, the 5–7 minutes it took to hear each child share was well spent.

2. Sharing time lets the child know you care about his or her thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

When the child knows he or she is cared-for, he or she likely will be more willing to walk the path you have set before him or her.

Sometimes, rather than sharing a funny story or telling me about a new friend, a child would share a veiled concern. For instance, I once had a child tell me, “My dad is coming to visit this weekend.” I knew that his father was in prison, and was due to be released shortly. While this may have seemed like something the child was excited about, I had reason to suspect the child was anxious. Another child told me once, “My mom is getting me a bike for Christmas.” This particular child’s mother was only permitted by the court to talk to the child by phone once per week, and I knew there was little chance she would be able to deliver on her promise. I was able to respond, “It’s nice when people give us gifts, but sometimes it’s just nice to know they want to make us happy.”

Even when children’s sharing topics consisted of trivialities, I showed interest. This let my students know that if something is important to them, it was important to me, too. While there were many times during the day when I would expect them to withhold unrelated questions or refrain from raising trivial topics, this was a time when they were allowed.

3. It strengthens relationships.

As powerful as behavior change tools may be, they always are more powerful when they are supported by a strong relationship.

Brené Brown wrote, “Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.” Sharing strengthens relationships, and relationships foster learning. By giving children a chance to share themselves with us before we expect anything of them, we strengthen the connection between us. The stronger the connection, the greater the chance children will be willing to walk the paths we have set before them.

In essence, sharing lets children know that we care about who they are, not only what they can do. Children need to know we care about their hearts and their minds, not just their behaviors.

4. Sharing can reveal the child’s preferences.

Not only can sharing foster learning in the sense of saving time and building relationships, but also it can also offer us a glimpse into what motivates the child. We can learn about the child’s preferences, and even his or her dislikes. Sometimes, sharing can allow us to understand aspects of the day that may produce anxiety for a child, allowing us to prepare for challenges ahead of time to support that child and guide him or her through difficult periods.

5. Sharing can improve a child’s behavior.

When problem behaviors are placed on extinction – that is, when we withhold reinforcement for them – other problem behaviors can increase. The reason for this is that where the child was previously being rewarded in some form, now that reward is being withheld. From a behavioral perspective, sharing serve as a form of noncontingent reinforcement, and an abolishing operation for a number of problem behaviors. Cooper, Heron, and Heward (2007) wrote, “Noncontingent reinforcement may effectively diminish problem behaviors because the reinforcers that maintain the problem behavior are available freely and frequently.”

Specifically, many problem behaviors are maintained by adult attention. Children may engage in protest behaviors, property destruction, and even aggression, simply because those behaviors result in attention from adults. By providing an opportunity for adult attention – in this case, in the form of listening to the child share – without requiring the child to engage in any behavior, we may be providing the child what he or she needs without him or her having to “act out.”

Moreover, allowing children to share prior to placing other demands on them also may reinforce a number of behaviors, including getting out of bed, entering the classroom, sitting at the breakfast table or their seat, and even looking at you!

What does sharing look like?

There are several questions I use to elicit sharing from children, including the following:

• “Do you have anything you want to share?”
• “Does anyone have anything they want to share?”
• “Did anyone do anything after school yesterday that they want to talk about?”
• “Is anything coming up that you’re thinking about?”
• “Does anybody have anything on their heart that they want to tell me?”
• “Is anyone coming to visit?”
• “Whose birthday is coming up?” (I can then point to those who raises their hands and ask what they expect to do to celebrate, or what gifts they hope to receive.)
• “Is anybody excited about anything?”
• “Are any of you worried about anything?”

What about the ones who don’t want to share?

There typically are a few children who are reluctant to share in a large group. The children who are eager to share, however, serve as models for the non-sharing children. For example, when your sharing children tell stories, they are modeling storytelling skills. When they share concerns, they are modeling how to express feelings. As long as you work hard to maintain an accepting, inviting space in which to share, those children may come around before long, and they may surprise you with what they tell you about themselves.

A challenge

I want to challenge you to try implementing a sharing activity in your classroom or your home for 10 days. Then send me a note to let me know how it worked out. I’m excited to read your stories and hear your thoughts.